Everybody loves superhero movies these days, and the writer-editors at this successful entertainment website are no exception! In fact, I, Trevor, can confidently speak for all the Peters when I say that we’re big, BIG fans of last year’s instant classic Aquaman! Which is why the whole gang here (including Troyal) is equally stoked about this great feature I came up with.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS MULTIPLE AQUAMAN SPOILERS
Here at Tall Peters, as one of the most hotly discussed web blogs, we receive a powerful stream of comments, mentions, and hashtags every day; a perpetual bombardment physically and virtually manifested in the form of both email and male genitalia.
Our readers can scarcely fathom the spectrum of disturbing stuff that gets asked of the dedicated, physically strong, and mentally cool team of boys here up in Tall Peters HQ – some really freaked up nonsense! Continue reading How It Feels To Be Depressed But Also Have A Dig Dick
Now that summer is down the fucking toilet for another year, it’s time to forget about all the good times in the outside world (easy for me – there were none) and think dimly about stuff which all stems from a primal desire to hibernate in a hole like the stupid and weak mammals that we are. Nothing says hibernation like autumn (for US readers: Fall), and nothing says autumn like making a large meal to eat. Here at tall petters com, where big dogs get touched (and more), we are big advocates of healthy eating. And by big, I mean fat! Most days however, after a hard day of crying loudly about our grotesquely pathetic lives, us peterers need consume gratuitous amounts of comfort food. As seasoned manchildren, our favourite recipes are of course the ones when we were young, so here we will talk of typical childhood staples from a place of empires and umpires (Cricket). Continue reading Seven Rustic Autumn Recipes
Yeah, I get it. You think this big piece of shit on my face is really something special. Well I have news for you. Yeah, it looks the same as all the big beards you see online these days hanging off the minuscule chins of chicken-legged freaks . Really cool, but I am begging you to stop. Continue reading Stop Complimenting Me on my Dirty, Disgusting Beard
Today, and for the rest of this week, and perhaps even most of next week, we mourn one of the finest public servants who ever lived. No other figure in modern politics has enjoyed such broad support, garnering effusive praise from everyone from moderate Democrats to right-leaning Democrats. And we here at Tall Peters are no exception. Continue reading John McCain: A Life in Pictures
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Editor’s note: The following is an excerpt from 11 Guidelines for Living: A Recipe for Orderliness by Professor Jordan Peters, PhD. Due to a confidential funding arrangement, Tall Peters is required to occassionally republish the work of of Prof. Peters without comment. However, we would like to stress that the views expressed herein are strictly his own, and do not represent those of the Tall Peters Publishing Company or its board of directors. Continue reading Excerpt: “11 Guidelines for Living” by Jordan Peters
It came as no surprise earlier this month when we learned that former folk-rock singer/anti-science crusader/woman hater Jill Stein was being investigated for collusion with Russia. She possesses all the classic traits of a Soviet double agent: her so-called “leftist” politics, her constant efforts to undermine the democratic process, her smooth rockstar charisma. All qualities that she shares with that other confirmed Russian collaborator, Bernie Sanders. (They’re also both Jews. Just stating the facts here.) Continue reading RUSSIAGATE BOMBSHELL: EXCLUSIVE LEAKED EMAILS REVEAL SECRET RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PUTIN AND GREEN PARTY CANDIDATE JILL STEIN
Yes… YES!! I can’t believe it. The space film I love is finally out. Can you even believe it, folks? The wookers and the light swords will really be swingin’ this holiday season. I love it. Every year I get to hoot and scream at the good lights on screen as I am stimulated once again by the familiar sound effects and storylines that keep being milked to death year after year by greedy corporate executives. It fills me with joy I can’t get elsewhere else to know that there is a company out there churning out this good shit just for me and other grown children like me who gobble up turds by the truckload as long as they have those good logos I recognize. Just take a look at my numerous Funko POP!!! figures that litter my miserable home. Continue reading Desperate Star Wars Clickbait