Ten Things I’d Enjoy More Than 2016

Ugh, I don’t know about you all, but I am SO done with 2016. Let me be clear: it is without a doubt the worst year to have ever come about in the history of humanity. My Vietnam War veteran grandfather keeps telling me that things could be a lot worse, and he always starts going on with his boring stories that he’s already tried to tell me a hundred times before. Sometimes he even cries. Ugh, so lame. He doesn’t understand anything. He doesn’t even have a Reddit account! If he doesn’t even know who George Michael or Carrie Fisher are, why does his opinion matter at all? I mean it. Everything has been so bad this year that lately I’ve routinely been having mental breakdowns in the middle of whatever I’m doing and crying like an inconsolable child for hours on end. No one in the history of the world has ever had it as bad as me. I’ve seen so many beautiful celebrities that I never knew… and never will know pass away. They’re gone! The person I didn’t want to be president is going to be the president now!! I can’t take it anymore!! I’m having a nervous breakdown just writing this. I’m coughing up blood and convulsing. Okay, I’m fine now. My friends came over and watched Dr. Who with me on Netflix. I love my besties. 🙂 Anyway, I simply can no longer even in 2016. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare!! I can’t wait for New Years to come around so all of the bad things that happened will be erased from the face of this planet once and for all. I believe that this is all one big joke and all of the dead celebrities will return to us at the stroke of midnight. The bad president won’t take office, and the good one I like will hold me and kiss me on the forehead and tell me everything is okay. 2017 is going to be great! We are going to go back to the way things used to be where no celebrities ever died, there were no bad presidents, and nothing terrible ever happened in the world. Just a few more days. I hope I can make it. “Just keep swimming.” 🙂 To keep me from balling my eyes out again, I’ve compiled this list of things I’d rather do than have to go through the nightmare that was 2016 again.

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Deleting My Instagram

Yes. I said it. I’d rather delete my Instagram than have to live through 2016 again. I’d rather be cut off from all of my favorite celebrities and their beautiful faces caked in makeup. I’d rather never see all of my favorite funny looking pet accounts again than have to suffer through the election of He Who Shall Not Be Named (Harry Potter Reference for the freaking win!! xD). I’m on the verge of tears just thinking about what it would be like to never see all of the neat things my favorite rich celebrities exist post on the image sharing mobile application, but it is a sacrifice I would gladly make if I could just watch another David Bowie video on YouTube.

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No More Memes

You heard me. I’d give up my memes. No more funny pictures of dang doggos on Facebook with funny incomprehensible captions accompanying them. I’d throw them all in the garbage if it would fix this mess!!

ugandaImage by Robin

Being a Child Sex Slave in Uganda

Those people in Uganda have no idea just how good they have it. Yeah, sure, slavery is bad, but have they ever been mansplained to? I doubt it! They say ignorance is bliss, and I’d give anything to live a peaceful life living in Uganda away from all of my responsibilities. I bet none of those children ever had to deal with the stress of buying a new house for their future family! Gosh, adulting is so hard!

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Listening to Nickelback

Is there anything worse than listening to that bad band Nickelback?! Haha, they suck so much! Even my favorite person in the world Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook. Enough. Said. :D) makes fun of them. There aren’t any good songs by them, and I would much rather listen to them all day long to get rid of those bad numbers on my calendar that are making me so miserable.

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Cancelling Game of Thrones

Just thinking about this one makes me hyperventilate and want to call the therapist my rich father pays for me to go to every week, but if cancelling my favorite HBO television program would make this awful year go away, then so be it. I’ll always be on #teamdaenerys, but sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the better good. If I have to burn all of the dragon plushies and GoT tshirts I got from thinkgeek.com in a fire to put a woman in the White House, I will.

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Be Britney in 2007

If Britney can get through 2007, then I can make it through 2016… That’s what I keep telling myself, but it gets harder to believe it as time goes on. I honestly don’t think I’m going to be able to make it to New Years!! I’d give anything to trade places with Britney. She never had it as bad as I do right now. She never had to go through the death of a beloved celebrity. 😦

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No Pumpkin Spice for a Whole Year

No, I take it back. I could NEVER give up pumpkin spice. xP It makes my heart smile!

Wait. hHold on I think I feel another panic attack coming on. I need to go gtaek my xanax…

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