I gotta come clean and be completely honest with all you good folks out there. I cannot get enough of those dang Hot Knife videos on YOUTUBE.com. Have you seen this stuff? The guy takes a knife, gets it real hot, then he holds the knife up to an object and makes it hot too. Sometimes things get a little out of hand! Butter? You better believe that stuff melted and made a huge mess. This ain’t your mommy’s butter knife, baby!! This stuff is extreme and ADDICTING. Did I mention I cannot stop watching these insane videos? Every single time I go on YOUTUBE.com to watch all the funny stuff I love, I see that big red knife glowing on my recommended vids, and I lose control. I’m like a zombie. I just can’t stop myself! Before I know it, I’m falling down the rabbit hole once again watching that knife slice, dice, and cauterize all sorts of everyday objects I never imagined I would ever see get cut with a very hot knife. A bar of soap? Buddy. That thing is getting cut up with a HOT KNIFE!! I can’t get enough. I’ve even been having dreams about this knife. It glows red hot and badly burns any nightmares that try to interrupt my slumber. I feel more refreshed than ever and it’s all thanks to these innovative videos. I just… I can’t stop watching them!! I can’t even get any work done at the office anymore because I spend all day staring at the wall daydreaming about different objects I want to see obliterated with a 1000 DEGREE HOT KNIFE. My coworkers don’t talk to me anymore because I keep showing them HOT KNIFE videos on my phone during lunch. I’m all alone, but at least I have these videos to comfort me. Anyway, here’s some ideas I had for some more Hot Knife videos that I hope to see in the future.
1. ANOTHER HOT KNIFE
WHOA. Can you imagine what it would be like if a 1000 DEGREE HOT KNIFE tried to cut through another 1000 DEGREE HOT KNIFE. I can and do often.
Image by AquilaGib
2. MY HEAD
Take that hot knife to my head and cut my brain right out of there. Nothing in this world makes me as happy as a HOT KNIFE and I would love more than anything for my life to be taken away by one.
3. THE GOVERNMENT
I haven’t been paying much attention to politics lately, but a lot of people have been complaining about the government and stuff, so I guess it’s pretty bad. Just cut it up with a hot knife already.
4. MY GENITALS
I’m not using them for anything. I bet it would look really cool if you cut ’em up with a very hot knife.
Image by Subhashish Panigrahi
5. A TOILET
No particular reason. Just wanna see if it could be done.
6. PLANET EARTH
Nothing but pain and sorrow in this world. Hack this stupid ass rock to pieces with a colossal hot knife super heated by the powerful rays of the sun. Nothing would bring me more joy than to see an enormous red hot knife hurtling towards me from the depths of space to obliterate this planet once and for all.
7. ALL THE TROLLS AND HATERS
Everyone who has ever called me a nerd and idiot would be a perfect target for a beautiful red hot knife. Hell, why not take a blowtorch to a guillotine and line all those jerks up? I think that would be pretty cool and would get tons of clicks on YouTube.
Image by Vincent Diamante
Anime is for nerds and losers. The world would be a lot better without it. HOT KNIFE those bad cartoons already!! Get ‘em outta here!!!
Do I even need to explain? 2016 was The Worst. I get so pissed just thinking about it. So glad it’s over.