Oh, is there a Super Bowl happening tomorrow? Weird, I didn’t even notice. I must have been too busy Not Giving a Single Heck About Sports. Yeah, you heard me. Pretty shocking, huh? I bet you’ve never met anybody who doesn’t care about the Super Bowl as much as I don’t care about the Super Bowl.
Are these guys playing in the Super Bowl? Don’t ask me!
Don’t believe me? Well, get this: I don’t even know which teams are playing this year. That’s right. I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to. Is it the Cleveland Browns? The Houston Oilers? The Utah Jazz? That’s a team, right? I really wouldn’t know. I don’t follow sportsball (that’s what I like to call it, to be dismissive).
What are these losers talking about? Probably some bull crap.
Heh. I bet you’re pretty impressed by the physical prowess of those athletes who’ve trained hard all their lives for the opportunity to participate in this professional sporting competition, aren’t you? Not me. I don’t respect them at all. If you ask me, they’re all just a bunch of dumb jerks! So what if they can all beat me up? Big stinkin’ deal. I bet none of those meatheads would dare to challenge me in a real game, like Magic: the Gathering or Settlers of Catan.
Look at these dumb kids, throwing their lives away. How sad.
Still not convinced, are you? You’re probably thinking I’m all talk. You’re probably telling yourself that I’m gonna watch the Super Bowl anyway, just to see the funny commercials. Well, prepare for a major bombshell, folks. Are you ready? I don’t even care about the commercials. Even if I owned a TV, which I don’t, I still wouldn’t watch that garbage, not even for the commercials, or the halftime show for that matter. Who’s performing at the halftime show this year, anyway? Probably some kiddie pop nonsense like Justin Bieber or the Backstreet Boys. Ugh, music is all crap these days. Not interested.
Is this even football? Hell if I know!
Football, baseball, basketball, what’s the damn difference?? It’s all the same to me. Sorry if my radical views offend you, folks, but that’s just the way it is. I simply do not care about the sports games. Not one freaking bit. I don’t give a hoot about hockey, or soccer, or hell, I can’t even think of any other sports. I’m sure there are plenty of others, but I couldn’t name them even if I wanted to. That’s how little I care about them. I bet it really peeves you off, doesn’t it? I bet you’re getting all “butt hurt” seeing me talk smack about your precious sports, aren’t you? I bet it really chaps your hide. Well, guess what, jerkface. I don’t care, you freaking dink! Deal with it.