Just Literally Quick, Cheap, and Breathtakingly Easy Recipes for the Young and Modern Professional Who Simply Cannot Even

We’ve all been there, folks. Twelve hours at the office slapping away at the keyboard doing lord only knows what so our boss can go on his third vacation of the year in June, and you’re too worn out to feed yourself when you finally get home. Cooking is hard, and food is expensive. Sometimes it feels like there’s no point in running on this treadmill we call life. It would  be so much easier to close your eyes for good and let that hunger take you off to the abyss where you will finally be at peace. No more responsibilities. No more house payments. Just drift along through the darkness. Ah, bliss. It sounds nice, but there’s no time for that! You got your wife knocked up with triplets, and she’s hollerin’ at you for a meal! Don’t you worry. I have just what you need. No one knows how to cook these days, and that’s okay! I have a few recipes I’ve plucked right out of my grandma’s old cookbook. They’re quick and easy. Perfect for a young couple with the weight of the world on their shoulders and no time to figure out how to tend to their most basic of needs. Who has time for sustenance when there’s so many new shows to binge watch on the computer? Not me!

The Big Maccer

One of my all time favorites. A simple fusion recipe incorporating the elements of two classic sandwiches into one incredible meal.

1 McDonald’s Big Mac

1 Burger King Whopper

  • Carefully open the Big Mac and locate the Mac Sauce. Its color should be somewhere between off-white and yellow. You will know it when you see it. Scrape the sauce into a receptacle of your choice. A bowl or mug works well. You may discard the remnants of the Big Mac or save it for future recipes if you wish.
  • With a kitchen utensil of your choosing (spoon or butter knife) gently slather the Mac Sauce onto the Whopper. Somewhere inside of the burger is preferable, but it won’t do any harm if you wish to spread the sauce somewhere on the outside of the bun.
  • Enjoy! 🙂

Pizzarrito

Pizzas and burritos. My two favorite foods. If you have never thought to combine them before, then this is sure to blow your mind.

1 pizza. Size and toppings do not matter. Use whichever pizza you like best!

1 burrito from Chipotle. Again, size and toppings do not matter. Use whichever ingredients you prefer

  • The key here is to turn your hot fresh pizza pie into a Chipotle burrito. The simplicity of this recipe depends on how cooperative the Burrito Artists are at your local Chipotle. If you are able to find someone willing to do the deed for you, then you hit the jackpot baby! If not, there are probably tutorials online somewhere that explain how to properly roll a burrito.
  • Step two is only necessary if you are not able to locate a Chipotle restaurant that is willing to assemble your creation. Carefully disassemble your burrito until you have a large, flat tortilla with a heap of your favorite toppings in front of you.  Next, grab both sides of the tortillas and fold it into a funnel. Tilt it slightly to allow the contents to fall into the pizza. Once the burrito innards are fully transferred, fold your pizza into the shape of a burrito. If you are able to find a restaurant that is willing to do this step for you, then you may enjoy your pizzarrito without doing the transfer and folding yourself.
  • Enjoy! 🙂

Fish and Chicken Switcharoo

Have you ever bitten into a McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish and wished that it had the signature flavors of the McChicken? What about a McChicken? It just doesn’t taste right without any tartar sauce smeared on there. This recipe attempts to resolve all these issues by mixing and matching your favorite elements of these two classic sandwiches to create a truly memorable flavor explosion.

1 Filet-O-Fish from McDonald’s

1 McChicken from McDonald’s

  • On a clean, spacious countertop, disassemble your two McDonald’s sandwiches and set the meat aside.
  • Once the meat has been extracted, place the chicken patty onto the bun of the Filet-O-Fish, and the fish filet onto the bun of the McChicken.
  • Reassemble the sandwich you wish to eat and discard the other. If you wish to eat the other, then you may reassemble that sandwich now as well.
  • Enjoy! 🙂

Big Mac and Whopper Switcharoo

Similar to The Big Maccer but taking things a little further by transplanting more elements from the two sandwiches in a fashion similar to the Fish and Chicken Switcharoo.

1 Big Mac from McDonald’s

1 Whopper from Burger King

  • On a clean, spacious countertop, disassemble your two sandwiches and set the meat and other ingredients aside.
  • Once the contents have been extracted, place the Whopper components onto the bun of the Big Mac, and the Big Mac ingredients onto the bun of the Whopper.
  • Reassemble the sandwich you wish to eat and discard the other. If you wish to eat the other, then you may reassemble that sandwich now as well.
  • Enjoy! 🙂

Coffee Burger

There is no worse feeling than biting into a burger and knowing that you could be using that energy to chug a crucial cup of piping hot bean juice. This recipe attempts to solve this age old problem by squeezing in a much needed dose of caffeine to fuel your crippling addiction while simultaneously filling your body with all of the nutrients it needs to function at the very basic level.

1 Cheeseburger from your favorite restaurant

1 Starbucks coffee of your choosing (Trenta)

  • Remove the top of your coffee container. Be careful not to spill any (especially if your preferred coffee beverage is hot). You do not want to burn yourself!
  • Dump about half of the beverage into the sink.
  • Place the cheeseburger into the cup until it is completely submerged or will no longer fit into the cup. Use scissors to remove any excess burger and place it in the garbage.
  • Let it soak for about ten minutes or so.
  • Use a spoon to eat the coffee soaked burger out of the cup.
  • Enjoy! 🙂

Taco Sub

Love tacos? Me too. Ever eat a sub and wish it could be a taco? Me too. Well, I’ve got good news for you. Now you can.

2 or 3 Taco Bell tacos

1 foot long sub from Subway. Only the bread if possible.

  • Open up the Subway sandwich. If you have purchased only the bread then you may skip the next step.
  • Dump the innards of your Subway sandwich into the trash can.
  • Grab a spoon and begin scooping the contents of your Taco Bell tacos into the open Subway bread. You may also choose to place the tacos into the bread whole.
  • Close the bread with the taco materials inside.
  • Enjoy!

Spicy BBQ Sushi

Who doesn’t love sushi? I don’t. But that didn’t stop me from devising this recipe to give that stinky fish slop that little hint of flavor it needs to be a truly memorable meal.

1 roll of your favorite sushi

2 packs of McDonald’s Tangy BBQ Sauce

2 packs of Hot sauce from Taco Bell

  • In a bowl, empty the contents of the McDonald’s Tangy BBQ Sauce and Taco Bell Hot sauce.
  • Stir gently until the sauce is mixed thoroughly.
  • With a fork or chop sticks, dip the sushi rolls into the sauce.
  • Enjoy! 🙂

The Cold One

Augh yeah, nothing better than a cold one after a long day at the dick sucking factory. Actually, I take that back. THIS combination of two classic cold ones into one tasty beverage is the ultimate treat after a long, hard day.

1 McFlurry

1 bottle/can of your favorite beer

  • With the industrial strength McFlurry spoon, remove half of the McFlurry from the container and place it into the garbage.
  • Carefully pour the beer into the cup until it reaches the brim.
  • Let the concoction sit for two or three minutes. This is the perfect time to enjoy any beer that might be left over.
  • With the industrial strength McFlurry spoon, stir the mixture until the beer and McFlurry are mixed thoroughly. The McFlurry may still be quite thick, so take your time.
  • Enjoy! 🙂

Sushi Taco Salad

Another attempt at fixing that terrible anime-watcher garbage food. Tacos are good, so I mixed it in with that stuff.

1 roll of your favorite sushi

2 or 3 Taco Bell tacos

  • Place the sushi roll into a large bowl.
  • Tear the tacos in half, or as many smaller pieces as you desire (you may even place them in whole if you wish) and put them into the bowl with the sushi.
  • Using a pair of utensils of your choice, or hands if you wish, mix the contents of the bowl together.
  • Enjoy! 🙂

Refried Chicken

Fried chicken, baby! The classic greasy meat food. I can’t get enough of it. If my doctor would allow it, I would eat it every day. But the classic question remains… Original recipe or the uh, other thing? Haha, anyway, this is a way to turn the classic KFC fried chicken into some homemade fried chicken.

1 bucket of chicken from KFC. (Fried chicken from another restaurant is also acceptable, but Kentucky Fried Chicken is preferred)

1 deep fryer with cooking oil

Whatever miscellaneous ingredients you may need to rebread the chicken

  • Remove all of the pieces of chicken you wish to eat from the bucket. Discard whatever remains in the garbage or save it for later if you wish.
  • Remove the breading from all of the chicken and place it in the garbage.
  • Look up a fried chicken recipe or use one you already know of and follow the instructions listed there to bread and fry the chicken.
  • Enjoy! 🙂

Perfectly Seasoned French Fries

Sometimes the fries you get at your favorite restaurant just don’t pack enough of a punch. With this recipe, you will have the perfect french fries every time.

1 container of french fries from your favorite restaurant

1 salt receptacle (with salt)

  • Take the desired amount of salt and add it to your favorite french fries.
  • Enjoy! 🙂

Peanut Burger and Jelly

Remember eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when you were a kid? Heh, yeah what a pleasant memory. Now you can eat that classic sandwich at the same time as a cheeseburger or whatever.

1 hamburger from your favorite restaurant

1 jar of peanut butter

1 jar of jelly

  • Remove the top bun from the burger and set it aside.
  • Scoop out the desired amount of peanut butter and spread it onto the inside of the bun.
  • Remove any ingredients that remain on top of the hamburger patty.
  • Spread the desired amount of jelly onto the hamburger patty.
  • Replace all of the toppings along with the hamburger bun.
  • Enjoy! 🙂

Memaws’s Old Fashioned Texmex Spaghetti

Mexican or Italian? We’ve all been there. With so many options, it’s hard to decide on just one thing. With this recipe, you can have it all at once in one delicious heap!

1 box of spaghetti

2 or 3 Taco Bell tacos

(Optional) Taco Bell Hot sauce

  • Bring a pot of water to a boil.
  • Add spaghetti to the boiling water and cook thoroughly.
  • While the spaghetti is cooking, empty the contents of the Taco Bell tacos into a large bowl and discard the tortillas or save them for later.
  • Strain spaghetti until no water remains and add it into the bowl.
  • Using kitchen utensils (or your hands if you prefer) toss the spaghetti and taco ingredients together
  • (Optional) If you would like a spicy meal, squirt a few packets of Taco Bell Hot sauce in with the spaghetti.
  • Enjoy! 🙂

Mashed Potatoes

The classic side dish we all know and love. Nutritious and delicious. My grandma used to prepare this particular recipe for Thanksgiving every year. My family loved it. Maybe this recipe will spark a bit of nostalgia of your own. Remind you of better times…

2 or 3 containers of large french fries from your favorite restaurant

  • Empty the french fry containers into a large bowl.
  • Use a potato masher to smash the french fries into a paste. You may also use a blender if you wish.
  • Add garlic or butter. Whatever flavors you like best with mashed potatoes. Heck, use bacon!!!
  • Enjoy! 🙂

Salad

Sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet and have yourself a nice refreshing salad. Indulging is nice, but too much can kill ya. There are all kinds of salads out there, but this is one of my favorites to eat. Very easy to prepare as well!

3 or 4 hamburgers from your favorite restaurant with extra toppings if possible

  • Disassemble the burgers and place everything but the meat patty and bun into a bowl.
  • Throw meat patty and bun into the garbage.
  • Toss the contents of the bowl together.
  • Enjoy! 🙂

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