Excerpt: “11 Guidelines for Living” by Jordan Peters

Editor’s note: The following is an excerpt from 11 Guidelines for Living: A Recipe for Orderliness by Professor Jordan Peters, PhD. Due to a confidential funding arrangement, Tall Peters is required to occassionally republish the work of of Prof. Peters without comment. However, we would like to stress that the views expressed herein are strictly his own, and do not represent those of the Tall Peters Publishing Company or its board of directors.

All human conflict can essentially be understood as a clash between the audacity of man’s spiritual ambition and the limitations of his objective environment. While material limits can change through heroic action, the finite conditions of physical reality, ultimately, will always guarantee the demise of the indiscriminate seeker. The seeker’s inclination is always to dig deeper, no matter the spoils of his excavation, which sets him inexorably on a path toward spiritual ruin at the hands of the Mother-Goddess. All of this serves to underscore the importance of the first and most fundamental step on the road to Reclamation of the Self:


CHAPTER ONE: Stop Picking Your Nose and Eating Your Boogers

All boys pick their nose and eat their boogers. It is a natural state for a very young boy to be curious about the various holes on his body, as each hole in its own way suggests to him a surrogate vessel for the unknowable comfort denied him by his mother. The nostrils, the most accessible of his smaller orificies, offer a crude facsimilie of the heroic pursuit for which an innate drive already exists. And what wonders one finds inside that mysterious canal! New textures and objects, heretofore alien to the gestating hero, abound themselves upon his wandering young finger. And whereupon he unearths his bounty, his natural response will of course be to fulfill his most primal tendency, by eating it.

This is all well and good at this stage, because without an outlet for his exploratory impulse, a very young boy may fall prey to the demons of lethargy. But as is true of any spiritual passageway, the nasal cavity will inevitably lead one into chaos if one labors too long in singleminded pursuit therein. In this phase, you are much like the tragic robot hero of the Disney/Pixar film WALL-E.


WALL-E, compelled by endless curiosity and yearning for completion, finds his way to a paradise in the sky with the help of an intervening angel in the form of a sexually-alluring female robot. Yet, tragically, due to his inability to master that perpetual longing, he cannot be satisfied in this perfect society, a fantastic, fully self-sustaining space fortress that provides for its inhabitants’ every need. And through his meddling, dangerous ideas sweep the hearts of the cherubic naifs of this heavenly plane, leading them to abandon their paradise and return to the squalor of a ruined earth.

In an ironic twist on the fable of Lucifer, WALL-E’s foolhardiness brings all of Paradise crashing down with him, into the same Hell from whence the intrepid little robot emerged. Thus it is with men who neglect their moral duty. It is not only a man’s own life that is debauched, degraded, and destroyed when he fails himself, but the women, children, and sometimes other men, who comprise his cohort. Man, on his journey to reckon with the elusive Mother-Goddess, inevitably ensnares others in his heroic orbit, satellites which feed off of the energy of his ambition. To guide those for which he is made responsible is man’s highest duty, and thus his foremost duty is to guide himself. (I will explain this concept in greater detail in chapter eleven, “Write Your Dad a Letter”)


So if we accept that A) it is a natural state of affairs for one to pick his nose and eat his boogers, as all boys do, and B) the eventual cessation of the booger-eating tendency is vital for one’s growth into a proper patriarch, the question becomes: when, and how, does one decide to stop? When is too early? When is too late? And how does one summon the inner fortitude to commit oneself to full booger abstinence? In order to answer these questions, we must take a closer look at WALL-E’s conscious and unconscious motivations, and the contradictions between them…

This is the end of the excerpt. Jordan Peters stipulates that his writing only be posted online in short chunks, for fear of overwhelming a novice intellect with too much uncovered ancient truth all at once. If you hated reading this, please consider supporting our Patreon so that we may one day have the means to free ourselves from the hellish contractual bondage of the nefarious Dr. Peters.

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