How It Feels To Be Depressed But Also Have A Dig Dick

Here at Tall Peters, as one of the most hotly discussed web blogs, we receive a powerful stream of comments, mentions, and hashtags every day; a perpetual bombardment physically and virtually manifested in the form of both email and male genitalia.

Our readers can scarcely fathom the spectrum of disturbing stuff that gets asked of the dedicated, physically strong, and mentally cool team of boys here up in Tall Peters HQ – some really freaked up nonsense!

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One question which never seems to get asked, but we feel endowed enough to answer, is what it feels like to be a cool modern depressed millennial man. Having the whole wanting to die personality trait (certified by numerous very expensive psychologists, p.m. me) and all the rest of that good, sad, attention deserving stuff; yet paradoxically also having a really big dang diddler.

In spite, perhaps, of our effortless collective demeanour, we’ve really shifted our shafts here down on the pete zone to crank out an answer.

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We’re some melancholy boys here, it isn’t even half of a secret. Our internet renowned death-lust has been the subject of much acclaim and has been demonstrably influential across basically the whole web.

Our relentless campaign of suicidal ideation has ensured the self-inflicted death of hundreds of thousands of people across the globe and beyond.

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No one has cried about wanting to die half as much as yours T(allPete)r(s)uly. We have brought wanting death – and more importantly, the discussion of the superlative defining the degree of deathwantedness –  emphatically to the public fore.

We want to die as hell, folks.

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But what makes things complicated is hard to conceal. Even the most generous and expensive underwear can’t make light of our dicks and/or balls.

Having shared pictures, at length, amongst one another (only of our own genitals, all of which can still be found featured on various bastions of genital expression across the web); we at Tall Peters have ascertained that, in general, we have got some at least slightly above average dicks.

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Sounds really good, you might think. ‘Wow, these cool depressed guys have some real insight to life and also got a Johnson to prove it’. That’s the problem – despite our good big dicks none of us have ever had sex, at least not with an adult. Everyone knows that women can be cruel but I’m sure we all agree this is a new low for the Fairer Sex.

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Simply donate to our patreon page located in the links above and we can hire some honest women willing to help out us unfairly quandaried fellows. We’ve got a whole lot of love to cram into a condom and grotesquely spuzz into them in potentially record time.

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Being gay with each other might seem an obvious option to stave off the depression – but it just isn’t that simple. The Tall Peter collective have received generous donations in the past from numerous world famous homos, but due to recent allegations our obligations have come into uncertainty.

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It’s NBD though –(that means No Big Deal – not No Big Dick [the truth is that we definitely Do got big dicks, alright! {Lol}]). Shit happens, you know? Sad stuff happens to people every day. Some people had to deal with the holocaust, others had to deal with Nazis. Our own Nazi Holocaust here at tall peters is the fact we got some big sized ding-doodlers but are too sad to tell anyone about it.

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Gay; straight – or bi, our mission statement is clear. We merely feel entitled to have sex without wanting to be anything other than our own uninteresting, self-involved husks.

 

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