Everybody loves superhero movies these days, and the writer-editors at this successful entertainment website are no exception! In fact, I, Trevor, can confidently speak for all the Peters when I say that we’re big, BIG fans of last year’s instant classic Aquaman! Which is why the whole gang here (including Troyal) is equally stoked about this great feature I came up with.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS MULTIPLE AQUAMAN SPOILERS
Trevor Drinkwater as Arthur Curry/Aquaman
First of all, full disclosure: yes, I am the author of this article, and yes, I’ve cast myself as the coolest, best character in the film (perhaps in any film?), but the fact is, I have a lot in common with Jason Momoa’s Aquaman: I’m dumb as shit, I drink too much, and I have what you might call a devil-may-care attitude. Also, despite being a dumbass, I know random bits of historical trivia that might be conveniently useful to the plot if my life were a movie. Plus I think everyone here agrees that I’m kind of the leader.
Troyal Brooks as Vulko
Vulko is a wise and honorable elder statesman who acts as a mentor to young Aquaman, training him to defeat Prince Orm and take his rightful place as King of Atlantis. This basically describes my relationship with Troyal, because I look up to him as sort of a role model, and also we’re best friends who both love James Wan’s masterpiece Aquaman. Vulko is played by the very cool actor William “Willem” Dafoe, and I think my friend Troyal is also very cool.
Chad as King Orm/Ocean Master
Orm, Aquaman’s younger half-brother, is a ruthless autocrat who seeks to destroy his much cooler and more ethnic brother in order to seize the throne of Atlantis for himself and start a war with the surface world. Chad isn’t really like that at all; he’s a very nice guy who would probably never try to kill billions of people. But he and Patrick Wilson’s Ocean Master are both blonde, so that makes them kind of similar. Also, like Orm, Chad probably isn’t very happy about all the pollution in the oceans. At least I’d like to think so. I’ve never actually asked him about it.
JC as Princess Mera
I mean, I think this one is pretty self-explanatory, right? They’re both beautiful and graceful and have soft feminine features. And Mera is betrothed to marry Prince Orm, which is kind of similar to how Chad and JC are best buds. Mera of course doesn’t truly share Orm’s affections, just like how JC insists he doesn’t like Chad “that way” despite Chad’s multiple advances. Of course, Mera ends up falling in love with Aquman, so does that mean I’ll end up stealing JC away from Chad and that we’ll be best friends instead? Who knows!
PJ as King Nereus
Nereus is the ruler of Xebel, one of the kingdoms of Atlantis, and Mera’s dad. Not gonna waste too much time explaining him because I suspect readers are already checking out at this point. PJ is Nereus because he has reddish hair and a beard. Just makes sense to me.
Jabu as Black Manta
Okay, this one is a bit of a stretch. But basically Black Manta is a strong and powerful badass, all of which are qualities that Jabu exhibits as a professional gamer. Black Manta is also a sworn enemy of Aquaman, and Jabu used to mercilessly troll me online when we were both kids, so that’s kind of similar.
Jam as Dr. Stephen Shin
Okay, last one. I made Jam the scientist guy that no one cares about because he’s a big dork and he sucks!! Haha, take that, you freakin’ British loser! Jam is British by the way, which is pretty uncool, just like being a nerdy scientist who’s obsessed with Atlantis. I also hear he has a very weird boner, but that has nothing to do with this–just a little piece of trivia.
Okay, that’s it, that’s the end of the article! If you made it this far, I’m sorry. You probably have no clue what the fuck I’m talking about unless you’re one of the people being referenced here. But I’m sure you can at least appreciate how much hard work I put into this garbage.
Anyway, please support us on Patreon! If people start giving us money, I promise we’ll provide higher-quality content at regular intervals. Until then, this is the shit you get it. Slurp it up, piggies.