Ever wake up at night in a puddle of cold sweat or stale piss (not sure which) worried about how grotesquely big and fat the internet is getting. In less enlightened times past, us pallid weenie nerd losers at The Tallsome Peter Foundation have too. And if we were to take the government’s word for it, (fat chance!!!!!!!!!), we will swallow down the tall tale that the internet is growing exponentially and more really good web type stuff like retweets and frog memes and gargantuan anime .pngs are being rabidly uploaded to the websnet at all seconds of the day. But actually this is not what is happening in real life, and the wokest among us are realising more and more of the internet is disappearing all of the time. Ever tried scrolling to the end of the front page of Reddit.com? You can’t go very far. Or scrolling all the way down your news feed on Facebook? You’re more likely to win the lottery – twice. Or how about getting all the way to the last page of a porn category on xvideos? No chance. Your dick would be a deflated slimy lump before you even hit page 69.
Have you seen this thing? This hideous turd stuck in Jell-O that everyone keeps blabbing on about? Well, if you haven’t, a chunk of rock was found with… wait for it: a “dinosaur tail” inside of it. Yeah, people STILL believe in dinosaurs even after they’ve been debunked time and time again by people who know far more about the world than any scientist I’ve ever met. Seriously. Why do people keep humoring these archaeologist frauds? Can’t they see that these scientists are pawns of the liberal media being paid to poison our minds with outlandish beliefs and take our attention off of the things in life that are truly important? We should be focusing on ways to make our planet into something we can finally be proud of instead of doting on this false past that is nothing more than a fantasy. Continue reading That Hideous “Dinosaur Tail” Is Nothing but More FAKE NEWS and LIBERAL PROPAGANDA
In recent months, tensions surrounding the hotly contested 2016 presidential election have given rise to an exciting and dynamic new political movement called the “alt-right.” Though it originated on 4chan, a website mainly associated with anime-obsessed pedophiles, it has now spread all the way to Reddit, which is, by contrast, a bastion of civilized, intelligent discussion. Most shockingly, these alt-righters have now even been spotted gathering together in real life on occasion, sharing bold new ideas about the global Jewish conspiracy and the degeneracy of feminism. Since the alt-right movement is made up entirely of white males, one of their biggest bones of contention is an anti-white agenda that they perceive in the modern media, citing the liberal, Jew-run entertainment industry’s tendency to commit such appalling acts as casting nonwhite actors in a Star Wars movie, or hiring a woman to write a TV show. Continue reading 10 Scientifically-Proven, Undeniable Facts That Explain Why White Men Are Inferior To All Other Humans
The ongoing comedy feud between alt-right spokesman Sam Hyde and left-wing media mogul Tim Heidecker came to a head yesterday morning when Hyde called in to Mr. Heidecker’s Facebook Live show to accuse the Tim and Eric’s Awesome Show star of pulling strings to get his own Adult Swim show, World Peace, off the air, motivated by political disagreements that have caused them to repeatedly clash over the past several weeks. The exchange was heated, and very personal, with both men becoming infuriated and raising their voices at one another. Is it possible that the animosity between the two performers could have been motivated by something other than politics? Is there an unspoken connection between these two towering giants of the alternative comedy scene? Some startling new evidence uncovered by the Tall Peters investigative team suggests that this just might be the case. Continue reading BREAKING: NEW DOCUMENTS REVEAL THAT SAM HYDE IS TIM HEIDECKER’S ILLEGITIMATE CHILD