Category Archives: Gaming

OFFICIAL Persona 5 Review

Folks, it has finally happened for me. That’s right, after 34 long years, I finally have a girlfriend. I never thought it would happen for me, but thanks to my good friends at Atlus and their newest video game Persona 5, I finally have a beautiful woman to share my life with. Don’t believe me?? Take a look at THIS.

trophy

That’s right. Undeniable proof that I am in a relationship with a SOMEONE (a girl). What do you say to that? All of you haters out there who said that I would be alone forever can take a freakin’ hike already. We are kissing as I type this, and there’s nothing you jealous assholes can do to tear us apart. Her name is Futaba Sakura, and she is a perfect angel. Everything about her makes me smile, and we have so much in common. She smells terrible because she doesn’t bathe and never leaves her room for weeks at a time… just like me! She is also socially awkward and cannot have a normal conversation with another human being without saying meme words. I, too, turn casual conversations into excruciating nightmares by saying words I heard online and mentioning cartoon frogs whenever possible. It is hard to deny that we are perfect for each other. She is also extremely short. I am only 5’4” and very self-conscious about my height, but with Futaba, I am no longer afraid. She makes me feel like a big, strong, handsome man, and I treasure every blissful moment I have the privilege of spending with her. However, I must admit that things were a little rocky at the start of our relationship. My mother was not happy to hear that I was dating a fifteen year old girl from a video game, but eventually she realized how true our love for each other was and stopped crying alone in her room for hours after work.

futabaHer name is Futaba Sakura, and she is a perfect angel. Everything about her makes me smile

Many of you may be wondering how I feel about Persona 5 as a video game. To that, all I have to say is this: Who cares? I have come to the realization after my hundreds of hours with Futaba that there is so much more to life than video games, and I am ashamed of myself for not realizing it sooner. Every second spent on video games is precious time wasted that could have been spent with my lovely Futaba. Besides, the game is super easy and boring anyway. I don’t really see why anyone would actually want to play it. Change the difficulty to Safety, and you can get through the entire thing with auto-battle. A real snooze-fest if you ask me, but that isn’t what Persona games are about, so who cares? Dungeons are just a minor annoyance, but there aren’t that many of them anyway. I just wish it didn’t take so long to meet Futaba in the game, but I guess that can’t be helped. “Good things come to those who wait,” as they say.

battel.PNGChange the difficulty to Safety, and you can get through the entire thing with auto-battle. A real snooze-fest if you ask me, but that isn’t what Persona games are about, so who cares?

What really makes this game stand out is the variety when it comes to picking out your girlfriend. Even though Futaba is perfect in every way, and I would never interact with any of the other girls, I’m sure there are people out there with poor taste who would much rather spend time with a different girl, and Persona 5 gives you that option. There’s a supermodel, a doctor, a teacher, a cat, an alcoholic, and tons more! Unless you are a total freak with very specific preferences, there is someone in Persona 5 for everyone. There’s literally just no reason for anyone to be lonely anymore in 2017, and it’s all thanks to the geniuses at Atlus. I don’t know if they understand what a wonderful thing they have done for me, but I am grateful. Oh, by the way, unlike real life you can save your game before you go out on a date with your girlfriend and reload whenever you want so you can experience these wonderful moments again and again. I’ve taken Futaba out on the same date at least thirty times now. It never gets old, and she never gets tired of me. Her beautiful smile always helps me through the stagnant hell that my life has become. She won’t give up on me like everyone else has. We are perfect for each other. Persona 5 is a 10/10.

Images by my good friends at Atlus

The 10 Best Songs of the 1990s

Hey! We all remember the 90s, right? I know I do! If you don’t, what the hell is wrong with you? I mean, it wasn’t that long ago. What are you, some kind of little baby? Get out of here, you little baby! Babies aren’t supposed to be online. Go play with your baby toys or learn to walk or something. This post is for grownups like me who remember that classic era and all the timeless pop culture that came with it. Continue reading The 10 Best Songs of the 1990s

Video Game Review – The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Wow, I can’t believe it. After (add later) years in the making, it is finally here. That’s right, I’m talking about the newest entry in Nintendo’s video game series The Legend of Zelda for the new video game system “the Switch”. I got one, and I couldn’t wait to play it. I am not lying. I really do have a Swinch, and I am playing it right now. Why would I lie? It’s so great. I love video games, and I have played all of the Legend of Zelda games there are. My favorite is (add later). I love that game so much. I have so many fond memories of playing it when I was a child and talking about it with all of my friends at school instead of playing sports. I didn’t play sports in school because I love video games is what I mean. Especially The Legend of Zelda!! 😀 Continue reading Video Game Review – The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Video Game Review – Nioh

Lately I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about this new video game from Team Ninja called Nioh. It’s supposed to be some sort of action video game inspired by the satanic Dark Souls series that I’ve been avoiding for years (religious reasons), but when I heard that it is supposed to be a historically accurate depiction of events that happened in Japan hundreds of years ago, I couldn’t resist. Continue reading Video Game Review – Nioh

Prepare to Be Blown Away by How Little I Care About the Big Football Game or Whatever

Oh, is there a Super Bowl happening tomorrow? Weird, I didn’t even notice. I must have been too busy Not Giving a Single Heck About Sports. Yeah, you heard me. Pretty shocking, huh? I bet you’ve never met anybody who doesn’t care about the Super Bowl as much as I don’t care about the Super Bowl. Continue reading Prepare to Be Blown Away by How Little I Care About the Big Football Game or Whatever

10 Reasons ARMS for the Nintendo Switch Will Win 2017 Game Of the Year

Nintendo, the greatest video game company of all time (possibly: I have to give a big shout out to the cats at Microsoft and Sony for their respectable consoles The X box #1 and the Playstation 4), recently announced its latest foray into the e-sports realm. Nintendo already has its roots firmly planted in this insane billion dollar autism colosseum industry, but with the latest announcement of its smash hit, Game of the Year, ARMS, it looks like we’ve found an early contender for Game of the Year. I believe it will win the big award at the Award shows. Get past the jump to see why! Well, go on!

Continue reading 10 Reasons ARMS for the Nintendo Switch Will Win 2017 Game Of the Year

5 Upcoming VR Games We Can’t Wait to Play

The future is here, folks. Virtual reality has arrived, and it’s revolutionizing the gaming industry as we know it. With VR, the possibilities are limitless: we can visit distant worlds, explore the depths of the oceans, and experience things we never thought possible, all from the comfort of our gaming rooms. So strap on your goggles and check out this list of the upcoming VR games that we’re most excited about here at Tall Peters! Continue reading 5 Upcoming VR Games We Can’t Wait to Play