Ever wake up at night in a puddle of cold sweat or stale piss (not sure which) worried about how grotesquely big and fat the internet is getting. In less enlightened times past, us pallid weenie nerd losers at The Tallsome Peter Foundation have too. And if we were to take the government’s word for it, (fat chance!!!!!!!!!), we will swallow down the tall tale that the internet is growing exponentially and more really good web type stuff like retweets and frog memes and gargantuan anime .pngs are being rabidly uploaded to the websnet at all seconds of the day. But actually this is not what is happening in real life, and the wokest among us are realising more and more of the internet is disappearing all of the time. Ever tried scrolling to the end of the front page of Reddit.com? You can’t go very far. Or scrolling all the way down your news feed on Facebook? You’re more likely to win the lottery – twice. Or how about getting all the way to the last page of a porn category on xvideos? No chance. Your dick would be a deflated slimy lump before you even hit page 69.
Hey! We all remember the 90s, right? I know I do! If you don’t, what the hell is wrong with you? I mean, it wasn’t that long ago. What are you, some kind of little baby? Get out of here, you little baby! Babies aren’t supposed to be online. Go play with your baby toys or learn to walk or something. This post is for grownups like me who remember that classic era and all the timeless pop culture that came with it. Continue reading The 10 Best Songs of the 1990s
The 2016 presidential election will be sure to go down in history as one of the greatest upsets in American history. Even now, weeks after the inauguration, many of us are still in disbelief that human garbage can Donald John Trump somehow managed to defeat an opponent who was infinitely more qualified, more experienced, and superior in every conceivable way. I’m talking, of course, about Goku. Continue reading Don’t Blame Me, I Voted For Goku
Wow. We really did it, folks! We set up a
—> store <—
where you can purchase merchandise what says Tall Peters on it. Beautiful. Please buy something. My family needs to eat.
Oh, is there a Super Bowl happening tomorrow? Weird, I didn’t even notice. I must have been too busy Not Giving a Single Heck About Sports. Yeah, you heard me. Pretty shocking, huh? I bet you’ve never met anybody who doesn’t care about the Super Bowl as much as I don’t care about the Super Bowl. Continue reading Prepare to Be Blown Away by How Little I Care About the Big Football Game or Whatever
These days, it seems like everybody’s always fretting about the so-called “robot takeover.” Everywhere I go, I hear folks whining about how the machines are going to rise up and enslave humanity. But do these metal hunks-of-junk actually pose a real threat to humankind? Not on my watch. Continue reading I Ain’t Afraid of No Stupid Ass Robot
Nintendo, the greatest video game company of all time (possibly: I have to give a big shout out to the cats at Microsoft and Sony for their respectable consoles The X box #1 and the Playstation 4), recently announced its latest foray into the e-sports realm. Nintendo already has its roots firmly planted in this insane billion dollar autism colosseum industry, but with the latest announcement of its smash hit, Game of the Year, ARMS, it looks like we’ve found an early contender for Game of the Year. I believe it will win the big award at the Award shows. Get past the jump to see why! Well, go on!
It has truly been busy for all of us here at the Tall Peters Labs this holiday season. While everyone else sipped egg nog and lit holiday candles with their loving families, we’ve had a crack team working around the clock to get to the bottom of this mystery about what effects online clickbait articles have on your brain. It took a lot of hard work and determination, but at long last we finally have undeniable results! Continue reading Does Clickbait Make You Smarter?
Ugh, I don’t know about you all, but I am SO done with 2016. Let me be clear: it is without a doubt the worst year to have ever come about in the history of humanity. My Vietnam War veteran grandfather keeps telling me that things could be a lot worse, and he always starts going on with his boring stories that he’s already tried to tell me a hundred times before. Sometimes he even cries. Ugh, so lame. He doesn’t understand anything. He doesn’t even have a Reddit account! If he doesn’t even know who George Michael or Carrie Fisher are, why does his opinion matter at all? I mean it. Everything has been so bad this year that lately I’ve routinely been having mental breakdowns in the middle of whatever I’m doing and crying like an inconsolable child for hours on end. No one in the history of the world has ever had it as bad as me. Continue reading Ten Things I’d Enjoy More Than 2016