At least six thousand years ago, when dinosaurs ruled the earth, there was only one continent, zero memes, and only two genders. The tyranny of the ‘saurs saw a soar in the oppression of other vertebrates; fish, once proud supple muscular warriors of the land, fled to the dark ocean. Birds, gallant rapists of the forest floor had to grow wings and take their weird dicks up to the cold skies. Mammals lived in holes and fucked each other quietly up the arses. Reptiles also had slimier, more flamboyant cousins called amphibians who were rightfully shunned because of their pathetic name for a class of vertebrates that only highlights that all they were ever good for was being an evolutionary bridge between land and water. Continue reading Why Frogs Are So Good At Being Memes
The ongoing comedy feud between alt-right spokesman Sam Hyde and left-wing media mogul Tim Heidecker came to a head yesterday morning when Hyde called in to Mr. Heidecker’s Facebook Live show to accuse the Tim and Eric’s Awesome Show star of pulling strings to get his own Adult Swim show, World Peace, off the air, motivated by political disagreements that have caused them to repeatedly clash over the past several weeks. The exchange was heated, and very personal, with both men becoming infuriated and raising their voices at one another. Is it possible that the animosity between the two performers could have been motivated by something other than politics? Is there an unspoken connection between these two towering giants of the alternative comedy scene? Some startling new evidence uncovered by the Tall Peters investigative team suggests that this just might be the case. Continue reading BREAKING: NEW DOCUMENTS REVEAL THAT SAM HYDE IS TIM HEIDECKER’S ILLEGITIMATE CHILD
Well, Peter Heads, Thanksgiving is finally over. I don’t know about you all, but I had to write a letter to Old Saint Nick asking for a brand new belt to restrain my overwhelming girth. Heh, I’m just kidding, gang. I don’t need a belt because I never change out of my piss-stained sweatpants. Anyway, it’s that time again when we are all faced with the same question that haunts us year after year: What the heck am I gonna do with all this leftover turkey? Continue reading What to Do with All This Leftover Turkey??
There’s a lot of deeply upsetting stuff going on in the news these days, but here at Tall Peters, we’re committed to reporting the news that matters most to us. And the big news here at Tall Peters HQ is that our anonymous source just shared with us yet another tantalizing glimpse at Kelsey Grammer’s failed screenplay, Frasier Crane. But the bad news is, in this latest update, things really take a turn for the worse for our old pal Frasier.
We’ve just received another exclusive leak from our anonymous source who previously shared the first four pages of Kelsey Grammer’s blacklisted screenplay Frasier Crane with us. In the second scene of Grammer’s infamous lost screenplay, we get a peek into our Frasier’s current lifestyle and domestic issues. Plus, a familiar old flame reappears for a very physical encounter. But we won’t spoil it for you! Read for yourself: Continue reading UPDATE: Six More Exclusive Leaked Pages From Kelsey Grammer’s “Frasier” Screenplay
In 2013, sensing the popularity of reboots and sequels to popular franchises, Kelsey Grammer saw an opportunity to revive his beloved TV character, Dr. Frasier Crane. With the blessing of surviving Frasier creators Peter Casey and David Lee, Grammer arranged a pitch meeting with NBCUniversal. But the execs were stunned two weeks later, when the former Cheers regular showed up with not just a pitch, but a completed draft of a feature-length screenplay. Continue reading EXCLUSIVE: Leaked Scene from Lost “Frasier” Reboot Screenplay
The future is here, folks. Virtual reality has arrived, and it’s revolutionizing the gaming industry as we know it. With VR, the possibilities are limitless: we can visit distant worlds, explore the depths of the oceans, and experience things we never thought possible, all from the comfort of our gaming rooms. So strap on your goggles and check out this list of the upcoming VR games that we’re most excited about here at Tall Peters! Continue reading 5 Upcoming VR Games We Can’t Wait to Play
“It nearly scared me half to death,” says Marsha Wolfman of Plano, TX, describing a harrowing experience at the bank last Thursday. “I was waiting in line to deposit my check, when suddenly this terrifying clown walked in. And before I knew what was happening, it walked right up to one of the sales agents and started applying for a loan!” Wolfman, a working single mother of three, described the clown as a six-foot-tall male wearing creepy clown makeup and a silly hat. “I’m just glad my kids weren’t with me. They would have had nightmares for weeks!” The Plano police have yet to offer an official statement at this time, but they have assured concerned locals that they are taking the matter very seriously. Continue reading Clown Epidemic Grows More Severe as Clowns Attempt to Participate in Society
A common question we get from our readers is, “Hey, Tall Peters, how the heck is a guy supposed to meet women in this strange new era we’re living in? For a regular joe like me, trying to keep up with all these confusing new trends like ‘dating apps’ and ‘social justice’ can be a real headache! How do I know what emojis I’m supposed to use? Will the ladies laugh at me if I’m not up to date on all the latest memes? Just what exactly is ‘tumblr’ and how on earth do I use it?” Well, you’re in luck, faithful male readers, because we’re here to educate you on Tall Peters’ official tried-and-true modern seduction technique, guaranteed to get you into the high-waisted jeans of today’s discerning women. Take a gander at these surefire, can’t-miss tips: Continue reading Tall Peters’ Guide to Getting Laid in 2016